Every month, I get the opportunity to share thoughts and musings with a wonderful group of women in our Writing Circle. We start the meetings with a ten-minute stream-of-consciousness writing exercise. It is an unedited free writing technique to unleash creativity and get us into the flow. The host prepares the topic, and this time it was about consciousness and unconsciousness.
How aware are we about the choices we make everyday? It is an interesting and thought-provoking topic indeed in these times of digital sharing, what with Twitter and Facebook on stand-by all the time and the World Cup just over.
So here’s the raw version that came out in those ten minutes:
Spontaneous: Is that unconscious? Impulsive: Is that unconscious?
To feel versus to think. To give in to something without much thought. To act on impulse. Follow your body before the mind tells you STOP! NO! That is crazy, silly and unreasonable!
Would you go back on the impulsive choices you’ve made? Don’t you think they were the funniest, craziest and happiest moments in your life?
To dance with wild abandon, to squeal in utter delight, to scream from so much excitement: over a goal score, the sweet taste of victory, the triumphant feeling for something you have been rooting for!
And yet, there are moments when I’m standing in the shower and I realize I am done and then I stand still.
“Wait a minute! Did I shampoo my hair already? I can’t quite remember… where was I when I was standing here?”
Mindful and mindless, to live in the moment and be aware of what is happening, right here, right now. It doesn’t necessarily mean giving a careful thought and consideration to everything… only when it matters.
And who else is going to be the best judge of our fleeting moments… but ourselves.
CC Image Courtesy of mrshawnliu | Flickr
It is human nature to seek out others’ opinions and approval, however, we should be choosy about who we ask feedback from. Picking out random people to give us honest, helpful feedback on our work might create the adverse effect of making us feel insecure about what we have done. This often leads to weeks of writer’s block, inability to produce any art, insecurity or self-doubt.
People have a tendency to compartmentalize people. Put everyone in a box and put labels on each one. Some are especially quick to point out what one should or shouldn’t do so that everyone will be just like them.
It isn’t uncommon therefore to hear one being labelled a party girl; therefore, it is a shock if she cooks. Gasp! Or if she paints, double gasp! That’s such a solitary activity. Or consider the new arrival to the expat scene, the wife of a hotel general manager who sees it unnecessary to be part of the ladies expat wives who have long lunches most of the time because she chooses to do volunteer work instead. Comments like “oh she’s weird!” or “she thinks she’s better than everyone else” start flying around in circles — just because she’s trying to do something she has put her heart in.
The thing is, we may share common interests with some people, but we are all different, and we should celebrate these differences, not smother them.
While there is indeed a general code of conduct that everyone should adhere to in order for society to remain civilised, like being polite to each other; there is absolutely no need to listen to the critics who are quick to comment discouragingly on your choices, your actions, your work or tweet, just because it doesn’t fit into their expectations of what or how things “should be”.
The people who truly know you are the ones who love you the most, and they don’t have any labels for you. They know when you’re being crazy, or when you’re being philosophical. They know when you’re passionate about that which you do, and they know when you’re goofing around. They know all the colourful sides to your personality. And they accept you for your multiple personalities.
And it’s okay to polarize people too. Some will agree with your actions, others will hate it. Some will love your work, others won’t. Some will find your products exquisite, and others will say it’s plain (f)ugly!
At day’s end, you will have to live with yourself. And if you choose to go against the tide, it’s all right.
So do the work that makes your heart sing. Write the piece or create the art that makes you look up to the skies with that big great smile, that lights up your face and makes you look at the world with conviction and say: “Today, I have been most faithful to myself.”
CC Image Courtesy of State Library of Queensland, Australia
I’ve had one of the most memorable conversations in my life recently. It happened at a party while I was talking to a kindly 76-year old gentleman in a charcoal gray suit. He was of average height by Dutch standards, with strong shoulders, white hair and a gentle face. I remember he had a firm but soft voice and he exuded an air of authority about him.
I found out he was once a manager in a large fast moving consumer goods company. I asked him how it felt like to be in his age, pensioned off and retired. In my thoughts, I had presumed that he must miss running a huge corporation and making important decisions. After all, I’ve heard of a number of people who find it quite difficult transitioning to retirement.
With a glowing smile he replied, “these are the happiest times in my life!”
I was taken aback by his answer and so I asked him why. He told me the story of how he grew up in wartime so there was never any time to ponder about his situation or his life. Normalcy was to keep moving, keep going and get the work done. He never had time to be a child; his younger years were all about surviving. The painful memory of the war haunted him most of his life.
And now, with the past behind him, he can finally relax, without a care in the world. Just living each day doing what he wants to do, being who he is. No need to seek anyone’s approval and not scared anymore to say he’s a Jew. To him, it is the sweetest thing in the world.
I asked him, if there was one advice he would give to a young woman like me who is still trying to make something of herself and find her place under the sun, what would that be?
He looked far away and pensive. Speaking slowly, as if he were in a trance he said, “Listen to your thoughts, but above all to your heart. And listen to the truths that it whispers, who you are and what you really want to be, what you really want to do. And do that. Because you are lucky you never have to hide your identity. So speak your highest truth, be your highest self. You will know when you’ve found that which you are trying to seek, your body will be in sync and you will find the peace and oneness with the universe within your soul. There lies the fulfilment of happiness.”
And then he looked me in the eye and gave me the sweetest smile I haven’t seen for the longest time, a glimpse of an aching memory in a distant past in my life I didn’t know I was missing until that moment. Like a grandpa smiling down at his grandchild, he held my hand and said, “Listen to that one”, and made a tapping gesture at my heart.
“And just be yourself, my child.”
Will you marry the one who has the perfect manners, Ivy League education and offers financial stability or the one who is a bit on the goofy side, fires up your imagination, supports your ideals and makes you feel silly and adventurous?
When deciding on a job offer, would you choose a well-established company, a leader in the industry which promises a big paycheck and a career path that ensures your place until retirement or would you join a promising start-up with no proven track record but a bunch of highly skilled, dedicated and knowledgeable entrepreneurs?
The thing about choosing stability over other possibilities is that while it provides you, well, stability, it hasn’t got much room for excitement. It’s a day in and day out thing. And while it probably guarantees a monthly paycheck and perhaps a bit of cash for the little other extras, it does little to encourage one’s highest potential to soar.
It’s pretty much like what we all do. Go to school, get a university degree, get a job in an old reliable company, get married, have kids and retire. All well within the bounds of our comfort zone.
If we’re lucky, we get to travel and see the world a little bit, widen our circle, step a little bit out of our comfort zone safe in the knowledge that it is just temporary, therefore bearable.
Or we could decide the world is our playground, we are going to go out and play! And have fun, and meet lots of people from different backgrounds and really live! Maybe get to know a different culture, learn another religion, join a choir group that travels and sings in far away places. Dare to do something out of the ordinary.
And we don’t even have to go far to do this. Everyday presents an opportunity to stretch ourselves just a little bit more.
The next time you go to a barbecue networking event or a social gathering, try talking to an unfamiliar face. Approach someone from an industry different than yours and who knows, maybe, you might walk away learning something new that will take your fancy.
Or cook a dish from a country you’ve never been to. Something you’ve never tried before and get to know what Tunisian keftagi or tagine are. And never mind if it doesn’t turn out well. The important thing is you tried.
Everyday we have the chance to set the bar just a little bit higher. To do things just a little more different from what we’re used to.
How about faith in ourselves? How about letting go and letting be? How about daring to discover a completely unknown territory?
If you don’t take that leap of faith, you will always look back and wonder what if.
Someday we’ll look back at all this haste, these confusion, uncertainty and fear. And then we’ll bow and shake our heads for all the fuss we made.
For now these are the times we live by – so let us just live these moments. Without judgment, neither hate nor love. Just with the grace to accept that as certain as there will be good days, there will be bad. And we will consciously live them, one by one. Till the days catch up with our mature hearts. And we will welcome the days with open arms. Not hating nor loving them. Just living them as they come.
Someday we’ll look back at all these questions and turmoil and the flights all around. To live in Asia or Europe or America and in which conditions? And extract as much certainty in an uncertain life. To live not knowing which direction to take, confused with all the choices right before us. And be frozen for a moment and in doubt. Giving in to fear or indecision.
Is it possible to get the most answers and assurances out of this life?
Someday we’ll look back and understand all these friction. We’ll shake our heads in the realization: it was not so much of knowing what we had to do or knowing which path we had to follow.
Someday we’ll come to an understanding that all these are part of a brilliant design: how far can we go without giving in or selling out on life? That all these make up that rich, albeit, difficult journey which leads us to discover the triumphs of our spirits, the steeliness of our wills and the strengths of our character.
And right now we thrash, we question, we cry. Not enough time to do all these things: to run a business, to raise our children, to work, to write, to cook, to clean. We embrace everything, spread ourselves thin and then second-guess ourselves that we haven’t done enough. We are too unkind.
Someday we’ll look back. See the wisdom. Is our world ever kind?
And perhaps, like all the previous generations before us, we will smile that knowing smile.
